What has changed about monogamy or family life in the past 27 years to account for the closing gap? And why have so many women begun to feel entitled to the kind of behavior long accepted albeit disapprovingly as a male prerogative? These questions first occurred to me a few years ago when I began to wonder how many of my friends were actually faithful to their husbands. From a distance, they seemed happy enough, or at least content. Like me, they were doing the family thing. They had cute kids, mortgages, busy social lives, matching sets of dishes.
On the surface, their husbands were reasonable, the marriages modern and equitable. What surprised me most about these conversations was not that my friends were cheating, but that many of them were so nonchalant in the way they described their extramarital adventures. There was deception but little secrecy or shame. Often, they loved their husbands, but felt in some fundamental way that their needs sexual, emotional, psychological were not being met inside the marriage.
Some even wondered if their husbands knew about their infidelity, choosing to look away. They were also unwilling to bear the stigma of a publicly open marriage or to go through the effort of negotiating such a complex arrangement. These women were turning to infidelity not as a way to explode a marriage, but as a way to stay in it.
Whereas conventional narratives of female infidelity so often posit the unfaithful woman as a passive party, the women I talked to seemed in control of their own transgressions.
There seemed to be something new about this approach. To do so, she interviews 40 women who sought or participated in extramarital relationships through the Ashley Madison dating site. They start commiserating and then it moves on from there," she adds. People in this situation usually can't explain the reason behind their infidelity. Similar opportunities exist in the digital realm, too. Social media , dating apps, and texting have revolutionized the ease at which we can connect with others, sometimes serving as a springboard for affairs —even if the interactions start innocently.
People can develop a wide variety of coping mechanisms to deal with difficult emotions , sometimes choosing strategies that have emotionally numbing effects as an easier option than facing them. Sex, drugs, alcohol, and other addictions or compulsive behaviors are just a few examples. Infidelity in heterosexual couples: demographic, interpersonal, and personality-related predictors of extradyadic sex.
Arch Sex Behav. Institute for Family Studies. Who Cheats More? The Demographics of Infidelity in America. Updated Jan. Updated July 1, Temas Psicol. Middle-aged women missing passion and sex seek affairs, not divorce. Updated Aug. Psychology Today. Updated Nov. Attachment insecurity and infidelity in marriage: Do studies of dating relationships really inform us about marriage? Journal of Family Psychology. Updated May 14, The Well by Northwell. Your Privacy Rights. To change or withdraw your consent choices for Brides.
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I Accept Show Purposes. Cathy Meyer is a certified divorce coach, marriage educator, freelance writer, and founding editor of DivorcedMoms. As a divorce mediator, she provides clients with strategies and resources that enable them to power through a time of adversity. Brides's Editorial Guidelines. Dissatisfaction in Relationship This can be seen as the underlying theme of the majority of motivations for infidelity.
Low Self-Esteem When a woman is struggling with low self-worth, it may spur them to look to external sources for the attention and validation that they and their partner are unable to create and sustain. Emotional Starvation While studies suggest that men who cheat are primarily motivated by sex, women who cheat tend to do so to fill an emotional need.
Anger or Retribution Some women enter into a relationship with an idealized image of how their spouse should behave. Lack of Excitement You've likely heard of the term serial cheaters—people who cheat for the thrill of it. Sexual Deprivation Try as we might to keep the spark alive , the excitement that accompanies a new relationship only lasts so long. Loneliness A woman who cheats may have a partner who works long hours, leaving them home with the kids all day.
Couples' therapy may be a good option to encourage a healthy and productive discussion. I see over and over again that the relationship can get much, much better when both people open up and deal with what created the dysfunction. But if one partner isn't open to dealing with it, then there's no point. It's not going to get better. Cheating is, in all honesty, not that uncommon. If it happens in your relationship, that doesn't mean it has to be the end of the road for the two of you. Nelson and Paul both say recovering from cheating is possible—and can be well worth it in creating a stronger relationship than you had before.
If you're both on board, with time, you can start rebuilding trust so you're stronger than ever. Want your passion for wellness to change the world? Become A Functional Nutrition Coach! Enroll today to join our upcoming live office hours. Our FREE doctor-approved gut health guide. You are now subscribed Be on the lookout for a welcome email in your inbox! Main Navigation. Log in Profile. Saved Articles. Contact Support. Log Out. Your cart is empty. Our online classes and training programs allow you to learn from experts from anywhere in the world.
Explore Classes. Expert review by Kristie Overstreet, Ph. Kristie Overstreet, Ph. She is a licensed counselor in California, Florida, Georgia, and Louisiana. She is also a certified sex therapist, certified addiction professional, and president of the Therapy Department, a private practice in Orange County that provides counseling services throughout the United States.
September 29, Reasons women cheat in relationships:. Women cheat for sex. They're unhappy with their current relationship. It was just a mistake. They're craving intimacy.
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